Le Plateau.......again

I have been bouncing all around the scales here due to the holiday where I indulged in sinfully rich Thanksgiving goodies and lovely salty treats. Everyone is so impressed at how I turn down a luscious desert. Little do they know that me turning down desert is like a heroin addict saying "no" to an after dinner cocktail......it's just not my drug of choice people, but feel free to be impressed anyway. I'll be happy to suck it up and let you believe that I'm so terribly self disciplined. Let me just say that dipping the chunks of fresh sourdough that I was tearing up for stuffing, in to the pan of melted butter almost sent me growling to the corner like a bad dog, loaf and melty butter in hand. It would have taken a rabies catch pole to pull me away.

So let's review, shall we?

I have learned that eating an entire bag of baked Lays is a baaaaad thing, and will cause me to gain 3 to 5 pounds overnight. Re-losing those pounds takes a little more than a week if I'm being really good, and can be re-gained after a plate of cheesy fries with the family on Saturday. Do the math kids......"aaaaaaaand, I'm up 2. Aaaaaaaannnd, I'm down 3, aaaaaaaaaaand, I'm up one, Aaaaaannnd.....oh Hell........where's that bread!?!" It's not about the baked Lays, it's about learning to control those fat-girl impulses.

I have learned that as a fat-girl, I have a pre-disposition to greet every new success or bit of good fortune with a terrible headache and "an anxiety attack to go please" This little bit of fun awareness is new to me and may be at the bottom of why I'm a fat-girl to begin with, and why all my relationships have failed, and why my life has turned out so great (note sarcasm). OK.....so, it's really not so awful, but lets face it!.....money would be nice huh!?! I discovered this quite by accident recently when I received an e-mail from my online editor, full of praise for my writing, and details for starting up my blog for The News Post. I took to my bed like Grandma did when it was time to get Christmas cards out. I could hear the little voice in my head, "this is how you respond to success!?" Not a great road map to weight loss success.

OK......so....yes it is how I respond to success. Lets change that, shall we?

I have learned that it is in fact, not necessary to eat continuously from the time I arrive home from work until I fall asleep. I just enjoy it. OK....seriously, the point I'm making here is that bad habits can be broken. Maybe not all at once. Funyuns required a three pronged approach of reduced quantity, then forced substitution, followed by complete disentanglement. It took the strategic genius of General Freakin' Patton but I'm off funyuns......and baked Lays. I'm slowly letting go of the evening crutch eating.

So as I've long suspected, losing weight is not easy and not without unwelcome little awareness es that keep cropping up out of nowhere. I am determined however, to see where this twisty turny road takes me. I am determined to succeed despite my self inflicted programming to the contrary. This is Nancy, jumping in to the deep end in her symbolic, control top, one piece, black bathing suit with the ruffles to conceal her thick thighs. Certainly no one will ever see that you are a fat-girl with ruffles??....right??.....like a hippo in a black lycra tutu.

I'm down 31 pounds.......still........thats fucking what?....124 sticks of butter?? You wanna make somethin' of it!?