Internal fat girl

So....tis the season......for food.

It's during this time of the year that we at the Vet Clinic are deluged with goodies. Cookies and a truly amazing chocolate cherry cordial cake, and hand made candies and truffles and trifles and parfaits and snacks of all kinds are generously offered by our clients. It would not be at all uncommon for our array of treats to require an 8 foot table be set up to hold everything. Things are not quite like that anymore since the recession is requiring people to scale back on their chocolate chip and red sugar sprinkle related purchases. We still get our share.

So how to handle all this food and maintain my goddamned diet? As we all know.......sweets are not that hard for me to pass up , although a superbly made chocolate chip cookie is a thing of beauty that simply cannot be resisted for long. So far.....I have refrained from grazing to the point of bloat coma. The same could not be said for years past when a deluge of fudge and salty chips made up my entire food intake for the day. *BLAH!!*

What I want........what I really want.......is funyuns......and pretzels and cheese......and hard salami with a hunk of sharp cheddar.......and pecans roasted with butter and salt to the point of melt-in-your-mouth goodness. I want a lovely piece of rare roast beef with creamy mashed potatoes and gravy. Now I have high blood pressure and must limit these excesses as well. The plain simple truth is that indulgences for me must be strictly controlled or else my internal fat girl takes over and she is one hard-assed bitch on wheels folks.

My internal fat girl is suggesting that I postpone my goddamned diet until after Christmas. She feels that a few hundred extra cookies never killed anyone so why not just lighten up a bit and treat yourself to a 5 pound Genoa Salami to offset the sweetness of all those peanut butter cookies with the chocolate kisses in the center. She tells me that I've been so good about refraining from McDonalds double cheeseburgers that I ought to just have a few for old times sake. My internal fat girl is evil to the core. She is the Darth Vader of internal fat girls. She would like nothing more than to retreat to the failure that we know so well. Ahhhhhhhh.....failure........my old friend.......comfortable as an old pair of shoes.

So here's the thing people. My internal fat girl needs to shut the fuck up. I'm done with funyun related stupors. I'm done with food guilt. I'm done with trying to convince myself that I didn't really just eat all of that. I'm done with sore knees and hot flashes and only feeling good when I'm lying down. I have listened to her long enough. She needs to take a trip around the salad bar and get off my back.

No funyuns for you!!