Legacy

As you all are well aware by now, normalcy is a DNA strand that was somehow missed in my double helix. I am convinced that this is the result of a dominant, rather mutated gene, passed down from a long line of abnormal people. We are going to set aside the fact that if we gathered all my ancestors in one large room, we'd better hope that the flooring is reinforced, and focus on their tendency to be outcasts and general loners of questionable stability.

My Grandma Flo was a large woman who's breasts when she was seated, extended well past her knees. She was a hard livin', hard drinkin' farm woman, complete with a bucket-o-drippins' under the stove and an old fashioned hand pump delivering water to the kitchen sink. Nothing that came out of her kitchen ever arrived without the complimentary pool of grease in which it floated majestically. She taught all of us how to mix her favorite drink. "Go mix your Grandma Flo a highbaawll". She lived quite happily without amenities and was very reluctant to change. She was well in to her 70's before she let go of her outhouse (a 2-seater!!) and moved into a place with actual indoor plumbing. I recently found a pair of shoes that I purchased 18 months ago. They're new......... my old ones haven't disintegrated yet.

My other Grandmother was an emotionally delicate woman. She would decide that her china cabinet needed to be cleaned, unload everything on to the dining room table and then take to her bed for a month because the stress had gotten to her. My own mother was a master of the passive aggressive. "Now Nancy, I don't want you to be upset because your father and I are arguing" she would say, patting my hand. "It's just very difficult what with.........well.......you know........what with your father being a shit-head and all." "Mom........I'm 33 years old...it's really OK...I get it". "Well I really hope so dear because your father can't help being a.......well.......an asshole". Alrighty then. This is the same woman who would balk at any foul language that came full force and emotionally charged out of my mouth. "Oh Nancy.......that's just so coarse".

So here we are, a family potpourri of alcoholism, and manic-depressive disorder, and your basic latent homosexuality with overtones of obsessive compulsive behaviors and I'm sitting here this evening wondering why in the fuck I'm so different from everybody else??!!! Hmmmmmm Einstein....lets think about why it is that I'm a middle aged single fat girl with no self-esteem who lives her life surrounded by psychotic dogs with issues and masturbating cats. It's because it's my legacy. It's a dirty job.......but someones gotta be me. I'm down 27 pounds (that's 108 sticks of butter)

Such is my life, because I don't see any of ya'll volunteering for the fucking position.