Anonymous Ass

I'm in bed this morning, reluctantly endeavoring to wake up. Although I have a king size bed, space is always at a premium. The dogs and cats have me wedged into an unnatural position, and someone is making wind under the covers and it's not me. I wake long enough to survey the furry bodies strewn in every direction. A ridiculous site to be sure, and I am still clueless as to who is making a bad smell. Needless to say......I'm awake now.......and my eyes are watering.

I turn on the Today show. They are doing a story on health insurance being more expensive for fat people. "Fat people should pay a higher premium....smokers pay extra....fat people should pay extra"says a man on the street. "Great......this fool sits in judgement of me!...he's probably wearing women's underwear" My passionate outburst is met with a long husky groan from Nickolai. I don't think he's responsible for the air quality in my bedroom. I'm leaning toward Jet Black who is snuggled up under the covers purring loudly and looking a little too satisfied with himself.

They pan the camera at ass level on a city street and film a fat girl wearing waaaayy too tight khaki pants and continue to film as she walks away. That same, wide, anonymous ass is shown at least 4 times during the course of the segment. "Who's ass is that" I wonder out loud to the sleeping gaseous animals on my bed. Did they get her to sign a waiver? like..."We'd like to film your fat ass and show it repeatedly on the Today show starring Matt Lauer....could you please sign this release?" Did she agree to this? "Hey Mom!!.....my fat ass is going to be on the Today show on a segment about fat people not being able to get health insurance coverage!!!.....call Aunt Tippy in Topeka!!"

You know how I feel about this. The camera crew was sent to the street to locate a promising fat ass. "Make it really wide and puckery if you can........and wearing ill-fitting pants if possible" Having found their mark, they commenced to film. It's much worse to consider that no permission was obtained at all and someone came home to 16 messages on her voicemail claiming to have seen her fat ass on the Today show. "Hey Nancy.........did I see your fat ass on TV today?.....it sure looked like yours...it was on.. *BEEP* "your call cannot be completed as dialed, please hang up and fuck yourself *BEEP*

Do I have to remind you people that we are human, and have feelings and goals and everything? We are so much more than a lard ass in too tight pants. We have lives.....and jobs......and we have too many pets....one of which needs to go to the vet for excessive intestinal gas.......and we dream of a day when we will not be judged on our fat asses and poor fashion sense but will be accepted as contributing and valued members of society.

So there.

Bite me