Confession.....good for the soul.....right?

So I've let go of my little dream bubble of denial where I gained 100 pounds and no one really noticed because I'm the same person inside, and I'm attempting to learn to accept me as I am. I really miss that bubble. In it I looked always 125 pounds. All I had to do was avoid mirrors, cameras, scales, the doctors office, old friends.............Ok so the list goes on, but I do miss it......and I miss Funyuns.....and double cheeseburgers....and.......fudge brownies with heaping chocolate icing and.......Focus Nancy!!!! Focus!!

I feel that the time is right to begin to air some of my more embarrassing qualities. If a little confession will help me along the path to rediscovering my inner slim person, I can suck it up and confess a little. OK.......so.......contrary to what you may believe of me, my life is not as perfect as it appears. I know....I know......"You can't possibly mean that" you may say. I assure you.....tis true. Where I go, weirdness follows.

My confession is this: I have a fear of my television remote controls. My job involves operating and maintaining diagnostic and imaging equipment worth more than my house if it weren't crappy and I can't work my remotes. At work, I've come to know my friends at tech support very well. I send them cards, and ask after their families and pretend that they're not hanging up going ...."and once I described what the power button looked like, her problem was SOLVED! hahahahahaha" (I cling to what small shreds of denial that I have left).

At home....different story.....no tech support. Except for my brother Ted when I'm not too embarrassed to call him and say "one of the cats walked on my remote and now I have no picture and I'm getting country music....make it STOP!!!!" I'm a reasonably intelligent woman. Lets just have a look at these bad boys. "Hmmmmmm.....need my bifocals....these buttons are numerous and quite tiny" "Hmmmmmmm"....at which time I begin randomly pushing buttons.

I inherited an insanely large plasma screen Television after my father died. It's monstrous and utterly ridiculous looking in my small townhouse. Now I have a large TV remote and a comcast remote for my high definition functionality formats on the broadband who-haws and wing nuts and what the fuck ever else those freakin' teeny buttons do.

Four days I endured country music while I attempted to re establish my obnoxiously large picture......without calling Ted. Finally, by the grace of God, I managed to press the right sequence of buttons and POOF! There she is!! In all her High-def glory. Being the incredibly intelligent woman that I am, I knew exactly what to do to keep this from ever happening again. I pointed the remotes away from the television. Pretty fuckin smart huh!!?? Ted would be so proud! (OK Nancy....see the button that says TV??....press it")

I feel slimmer already!! This is my life......and no one Else's.