Lunch with the fam

Once weekly, my family gathers for a lunch out. This has become a tradition since my parents passed away. We gather and talk about our week and the events of our lives and our successes and failures and joys and struggles. All are informed of the meeting place and time and those who can come....do so. We support each other and listen and encourage, but more than any one of these wonderful things....................we behave badly. We laugh loudly. And nothing makes us laugh louder than when one of us makes a complete idiot out of him or herself. OK....so mostly it's me, but all of that aside..........yeah........it's mostly me.

Location: Olive Garden. Nancy enters and sits next to Hilary. We are at the big table. There are 9 of us today. Drinks are served and questions are raised about an "optional" 15% gratuity that "will" be applied to every balance. Hmmmmmm....wherein lies the option?? We may be loud but we tip very well. We have a little fun at our waiter's expense regarding his gratuity option being 15% or our standard 25% to 30%. He laughs and promptly forgets to bring us our bread sticks.

Our bread sticks arrive among apologies and I pick up the basket to hand it down the table. Hmmmmmmm......he's only brought one basket. I comment that these should go to the "soup people"meaning those who are currently eating soup. I notice Jennifer red faced and laughing as she points out the second bread basket sitting directly in front of me which I somehow managed not to see. Ted pipes up at this time in a deep booming voice; "I am Darvon of the soup people......your ways are very strange to me" Jennifer is laughing hysterically in to her napkin. "Soup people" is the catch phrase of the day and a source of much loudness and comment. I'm afraid this one will live long past lunch at Olive Garden. It reminds me of the night many years ago when Jennifer commented on the stunning full moon....which turned out upon closer inspection, to be the Burger King sign. To this day, Jennifer cannot pass Burger King without someone saying "My....the Burger King sign is particularly lovely tonight!" these things assume a life of their own in this family.

As the meal ends and the individual contributions are tallied, Nick requests the bill be passed to him for a quick perusal. This is a bad idea because the bill.....and everything else not nailed down on the table is passed or thrown in his direction. Nick quietly studies the bill as napkins and splenda packets land on and around his person.

Hilary is too full. she stands and moans and bends and moans again. "Oh...I ate too much.......oh I'm too full" "Would you please just fart and get it over with!" I say. "I would love to!....does this window open?"she asks.

Annie is driven to distraction by the cockeyed light fixture. She is requesting that every person closest to the offending crooked bulbs please make an effort to straighten them. This seems oddly out of place as objects continue to pile up on Nick and Ted has once again slipped in to his "Darvon of the soup people" character and Hilary has left in search of a good place to loose the offending gas ball making her so uncomfortable.

We all go our separate ways for another week. Olive Garden and humanity are once again safe and secure.......until next Saturday when we may come to your town.