Halloween update

Can I just tell you that I'm freakin freezing here. I can't tell you how long it's been since I've really been cold. As we all know, fat girls do need to be refrigerated and I'm right there baby. I definitely still qualify in that area even after a 29 pound or 116 sticks of butter loss. My heat stays at 60 degrees and I'm usually quite comfortable. I almost never even need a coat until January. It's November and I'm cranky and frozen. What the hell do you skinny bitches do in the winter??? electric undies??glove warmers in your bra?? what???I have resorted to hot showers in the evening......my skin is drying up like a large hunk of cream cheese left uncovered in the fridge. I can hear it now: "Man, Nancy looks great after losing all that weight but shes gotten so old!

Halloween was this past weekend and for the first time in 25 years, I didn't hand out candy. I felt really guilty about it for about 10 minutes which is my maximum time allowed for guilt, but to all you kids who didn't get a snickers bar from me this year, here's how it goes......listen and be afraid: 1 month prior to Halloween: "I need to pick up some candy for the kids while theres still a good selection (like there is ever a crappy selection of candy) 6 bags ought to do it. 2 weeks prior to Halloween: "Hmmmmmm....3 bags of candy....I should pick up a few more bags. 1 week prior to Halloween: "Wow....I'm gonna need more than 2 bags of candy....I need to pick up some more". Halloween night: "I'll just help myself to a few pieces....it's Halloween! The day after Halloween: I need to give the rest of this candy away so I won't be tempted to eat it" Lets just pause right here for a moment and soak in all the subtle levels of denial at work in my life shall we?

My apologies kids but for the first time in 25 years, I'm not using you as an excuse to gorge myself on candy. If it makes you feel any better guys, I'm really beginning to get in touch with my inner thin person. HEY....WHO THREW THAT!!!.....ungrateful little bastards. Maybe I'll give out toothbrushes next year you little wretches.

So anyway.......I'm suddenly freezing all the time and I've had no chocolate. Do I feel good about my goddamned diet? Yes....I still do. It's better to be thinner than to be warm and although I'm not nearly as popular with the neighborhood children, I'm really enjoying being able to put on my underwear without stepping on the crotch and falling forward. I'm enjoying not spilling food on my shirt front, and I really like not always having to sit in the front seat because I'm the fattest one. I'll just suck it up and buy one of those blankie things....Snuggies or Huggies or some such fucking thing whatever it's called. I can manage.

With the passing of Halloween also comes daylight savings. That means it's too dark to walk the dogs in the evenings. OK....so that's no excuse. I'll either have to walk the dogs or do Leslie Sansones walk-fit and we all know how much I love to walk in place. Since I have made it mandatory that one or the other must be done.....I'm moving heaven and earth to get off in time to walk the dogs. I wonder if Leslie will ever fully understand the impact my hatred of her program has had on my level of fitness. I'll wait til shes on QVC and call her crying about what a difference shes made in my life. "seriously...*sniff* I hate you so much...*sniff*.....you saved me from a life of obesity *sob* anything to keep from looking at your fucking sweaty smiling face...*sob sob*

Such is my ridiculous life