The cable button

So maybe things were going just a little too well. I'm not accustomed to, or designed for too much good fortune. I will find a way to fuck it up. I'm not terribly happy about this little twist of my nature. God knows if I ever hit the jackpot, they'd have to revive me first, then haul my ass to the unit for observation. The good news here is that I'm making it a priority to address it. The bad news is that I have no fucking idea how to address it.

Stress and I have a rather dis functional relationship. There is no one better than me in a crisis. I'm calm, collected, efficient, and my emotions are on the back burner until the crisis has passed. I am the one you want to call in the middle of the night with an emergency. I'm on it. That being said..........ask me how I handle good news. I'll paint you a picture of a middle aged fat woman with a large Acme anvil suspended over her head by a tattered rope a la Wile E. Coyote. I'm a mess and a half. "really?........you expect something of me now?........can I live up to that? It's got to be a fluke right?...a 25 year long fluke pursuit.....I'm not really that good at all"

I'm sure there's a reason for this little character flaw, and given the time and inclination I'm sure I could ferret it out. The honest truth is that I'm going to have to be satisfied to have named it for now because I don't have the time or inclination. Too much introspection can be a dangerous thing for me. Given the proper motivation, I can talk myself in to the disease of your choice, be it mental or physical. I'm quite gifted this way. Give me 24 hours......I can become a hyper thyroid manic depressive with trench mouth and prostate cancer. Like I said, I walk a fine line introspection-wise.

Please wait while analogy loads............

I have two televisions in my small and somewhat crappy townhouse. One is the stuff of legend...a monstrous plasma screen, high definition, space-shuttle of a television. I keep the dust off it religiously because it's just so preeeetty. I almost never watch it. My other television is a vintage 1983 19 inch Sanyo with imitation wood grain on the sides from back in the day when marketers figured that state of the art electronic devices should be made out of wood. Juuuust fucking brilliant. It has an unholy collection of wires cascading down the back that make it possible for my museum piece to operate. OK......so the sound tends to quit whenever a Keanu Reeves movie is on......I'm fine with that. This is the one I watch. It makes me happy......I'm comfortable with it. I'm used to it.

I'm thinking maybe I should make a little more of an effort to bond with my plasma screen. It's great for football games and grand slam tennis. I will even brave the remote control every now and again. I recently discovered that if I push the "cable" button......my guide will pop back up without blasting country music. It was a breakthrough. baby steps people........baby steps. I'm learning.

I sold two paintings this week

I haven't lost anymore weight but I haven't gained either.

I'm just lookin' for my own damned "cable" button.