It is only here....in the land of Lackademia, that we can truly understand and internalize the hatred that can be directed at anyone who lives a life of plenty. Keep in mind that by "plenty" I mean those who live without a large anvil hanging over their heads that says "ACME" on the side. My brothers and sisters of the anvil know exactly what I'm talking about. Have you ever sat and listened to a friend or a coworker trying to decide whether to purchase an SUV or a Prius this year? Can you honestly tell me that you haven't envisioned an acute onset of amoebic dysentery for them?
So here it is: Do I envy your money?......ok...well yes. Do I envy your relationships and lifestyle?......allright...again yes, but the truth is, most of all and above all else, I envy your choices. Choosing a new car?, a vacation spot?, a retirement fund?, or even where to go this weekend is like a dream to those of us here in recession land. We are much more focused on the mechanics of survival.
....So if you will......what follows is an example of the choices we have here in Lackademia:
"Hello Ms Houston? this is Mashaadi Al-Haseem representing the God of choices. I am authorized for today only to offer you a life choice"
"Cool!........what are my choices!?"
"You may have your choice of any one of these 3 lovely stool samples to float in your punch bowl"
"Well.......I would really prefer not to have any turds in my punch bowl at this particular juncture"
"Unfortunately Ms Houston, that is not one of your choices"
"...well......can I choose not to choose?"
"That would be rather indicative of a very low self esteem and a failure to be proactive in your life and circumstance now wouldn't it"
"I can live with that"
"unfortunately......"
"Yeah yeah yeah.....I got it...I'll take the firm one, maybe I won't notice it as much"
The reality is that most of us here have to make craptastic choices between the catastrophic and the merely unpleasant. We do it with as much dignity and pride as we can muster, and hope a tom cat pisses in your air vent.
Nothing personal
really
Have a nice fucking vacation
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