A tiny little almost insignificant weight gain

This week found me brave enough to hop on the scale and assess the damage caused by a slight stress-induced eating binge. You'll be happy to know that I refrained from buying a bag of funyuns. I remain terrified to pop a bag because I can easily picture myself lying in a doorway covered in powdery semi onion type flavored synthetic residue. Terribly sad but true. The damage is 5 pounds. I find at times like these that it is in my best interest to look at it as 5 pounds and NOT 20 sticks of butter. Remember....pounds if they come on......sticks of butter when they come off.

Since I have been unwilling to fall back on any of my old addictions, I've taken to just saying them out loud as if somehow by osmosis, I will become satisfied. "Vanilla ice cream slathered with chunky peanut butter" "fabulously crispy potato chips" "double cheeseburger with onion rings if you please" Amazingly enough it seems to help, although I think my co workers may be planning an intervention of some kind. HEY!!.....I'm just sayin'......... I'm not doin'

My downfall seems to be low fat string cheese and low fat chocolate parfait. (Mmmmmmm.....parfait) The slight problem here is that there is a rather unpleasant side effect to the whole cheese issue that was never a problem with Funyuns. I'm talking about a slight irregularity. Can I just tell you that the world can only rotate smoothly on it's axis if I am able to have a productive trip to the ladies. I'm trying to be delicate here people so shut the fuck up.

The good news is that I have discovered the trick to remedying this particular little "bind". Hilary provided me with the key when she refused to stop in to the book store because "whenever I go in to Border's, I have to poop" Hilary continued contemplating the connection between books and bowel movements and the possibility of airborne laxative sprays while my mind was abuzz with questions. Put to various friends and family members, I have found that there is indeed a palpable intestinal response to being surrounded by books and chai tea lattes.

So there you go ladies. All it takes is a trip to Border's and you'll be regular as clockwork. As for me. I'm off string cheese and am most likely to be found between now and Hilary's wedding, mumbling a steady stream of high fat food items. I've got 5 freakin' pounds to get back off.

I don't have to potty but my stack of books to be read is growing alarmingly high.